Making 2019 the year that I wanted 2018 to be.

To say the least 2018 was disappointing. I had all these plans, dreams, goals and wishes that I wanted to complete and achieve and to be honest I didn't complete any of the big ones that were really important to me, heck to be honest I went backwards on some of my personal progress such as university, self development and self love. But thats okay. These things happen for a reason to either make us stronger through battling these failings or to give us the goals we desire when we are fully ready to pursue them, achieve them and receive them. Sometimes we're simply not ready to achieve and make progress towards the person we want to be, sometimes we have to fall back in order to fall forward. To be honest I'm grateful that 2018 didn't become the year it was meant to be. I learnt a lot about myself, was forced to grow, adapt and change to these life challenges that came up. Instead of the positive goals I was meant to be smashing, I was trying to survive as my own personal version of hell descended upon me, and rock the shaky waters that came upon me in the months after a break down in September. Since that break down I have changed a lot. I've changed the people who too quickly came into my life before I realised they were not a positive influence on me, my mental health and my life as a whole for they were holding me back with their views, ideas and expectations of what I should be to them and for them. instead I stepped away. Did the things I wanted to do that they didn't want me to do and simply have started to live the life I want and know is best for myself. Even if it means I go back to my old job in order to focus on uni more, going to get assessed for a potential learning disability so that I can get more support and help at university or trying to find a job thats not a struggle for me to get to at all and is simply a walk away from me which would be the most ideal for me with where I am in life right now. I want 2019 to be the year I really push myself in a positive way both mentally, physically and spiritually. I want 2019 to be the year I have lots of fun with friends and loved ones. I want 2019 to be the year I ring in my 21st birthday overseas with a friend living the best life I want to live for me. I want 2019 to be the year I love and respect me first and don't get tangled up with negative people and negative situations. But if that does happen, I have the tools and strength to get myself out of that situation quicker than I have before and also see the red flags sooner rather than later.